Journey of a Thousand Miles...

Congratulations!  We made it to the end of the greatest dumpster fire of a year imaginable! As horrible as this year has been it hasn't been all bad. The COVID-19 pandemic is raging, claiming the lives of over 330,000 Americans, infecting millions, and devastating millions of families world wide.  Wildfires ravaged Australia and California. Countries across the world went on lockdown. The world watched in horror as George Floyd was murdered. And again as we saw Ahmaud Arbury stalked and murdered as he was simply out for a jog.  And yet again as we saw the body camera footage of Breonna Taylor, a young woman who was simply asleep in her bed, being murdered by police issuing a no knock warrant.  We saw these things and we rose up.  We protested.  We marched.  We stood up, united together, and screamed "Black Lives Matter!" November 3rd was the day that tens of millions of us were waiting for here in the United States.  It was election day and we were demanding a change. Bec

I'm not sure why writing to total strangers all over the world is easier than saying how I feel out loud, but for now it is.  Maybe it's the act of writing it all down that feels freeing or maybe it is having a captive audience that doesn't interrupt me when I need to spill my guts out.  Whatever the reason, this is easier for now.  So here goes... As of today, I am 3 weeks and 6 days post-op from my total hysterectomy and I am healing well, aside from the massive post-surgical lupus flare I am in again. I was put on prednisone for the initial flare, but it is now out of my system and all of the crappy lupus flare symptoms are back with a vengeance.  I'm still here, though. There are some things doctors don't tell you before you have a hysterectomy, especially when you need to have one before you have had the chance to have children. They don't tell you how unbelievably sad and truly empty it makes you feel. When the thing that your body was made to do, to

By all accounts I have been living a fairy tale these last 16 months.  After unspeakable trauma, I found the absolute love of my life, my soulmate, the person who is truly my other half.  Jesse is everything I ever dreamed about finding in my partner.  While I have the most amazing, wonderful, brilliant, kind, and compassionate bonus son in Jesse's 10 year old son from his previous marriage, we had wanted to have a baby together. Having a child was something I always knew I wanted.  I wanted the whole experience of being pregnant and giving birth to my child (with a lot of pain killers, of course!).  I have written quite a bit about my son, Gabriel, who I lost to miscarriage.  When I met Jesse, I truly believed that this dream would come true.  Everything else about our relationship has been like a fairy tale, so why not this.  Sure, we have had some hiccups, but even Cinderella had to deal with Lady Tremaine, two bitchy step-sisters, a sadistic cat and a whole lot of bullshit b