Journey of a Thousand Miles...

By all accounts I have been living a fairy tale these last 16 months.  After unspeakable trauma, I found the absolute love of my life, my soulmate, the person who is truly my other half.  Jesse is everything I ever dreamed about finding in my partner.  While I have the most amazing, wonderful, brilliant, kind, and compassionate bonus son in Jesse's 10 year old son from his previous marriage, we had wanted to have a baby together. Having a child was something I always knew I wanted.  I wanted the whole experience of being pregnant and giving birth to my child (with a lot of pain killers, of course!).  I have written quite a bit about my son, Gabriel, who I lost to miscarriage.  When I met Jesse, I truly believed that this dream would come true.  Everything else about our relationship has been like a fairy tale, so why not this.  Sure, we have had some hiccups, but even Cinderella had to deal with Lady Tremaine, two bitchy step-sisters, a sadisti...

When I started this blog I said I would share the good, the bad and the ugly on this Journey to healing.  I shared a whole lot of the bad and the ugly because, well, that's all there really was.  I had to work through the bad, the painful, and the often times gut wrenching in order to find the remarkable, the beautiful, and the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. Sure, there have been times in which that light seemed like it was attached to a freight train hell bent on my imminent destruction.  What person who has gone through hell hasn't had that feeling? One of the most difficult things for me to do was realize that the majority of the work I was doing was futile.  I spent years trying to get back the person I used to be, the woman I was before being raped.  Accepting that the woman I was no longer existed was excruciating.  I had to go through a mourning process.  I had to learn who I was now, accept the woman I have become, and forgive my...