Showing posts from January, 2015

At a loss

The events in Paris, France over the last two days have been devastating to see/read.  So many innocent lives lost in the name of a religion that, if followed by its true meaning, is peaceful and quite beautiful. As a product of multiple religions, it is heartbreaking to me. This is not a problem with one religion versus another.  This is a problem with terrorists posing as true believers and using their deity's name to destroy lives.  So for now I will simply say...

Je suis Charlie.

Dark and Twisty, Yet Strangely at Peace

Trauma has a paralyzing effect.

Trauma has a way of making you want to stay some place dark, safe and secure.   It makes venturing out into the world a terrifying prospect.  The anxiety can get so all consuming that it makes you too scared to even be around your friends.  Then that makes you too scared to confide in your friends the truth about how debilitating PTSD, anxiety disorder, and depression can be.  You don't say anything because you are afraid they won't understand, or worse they will decide that your friendship isn't worth the drama. You can try to explain it but that means the dark and twisty parts of your life, parts that only one or two people knew about, will come out.  This is a lonely place to be.

I have been keeping secrets for the majority of my life.  I kept quiet about being sexually abused by my asshole cousin for 5 years, give or take.  I stayed quiet about the emotional and verbal abuse at the hands of my high school/freshman year of college boyfr…