Goodbye, 2018! Hello, 2019!

What a year 2018 has been!
What started out as devastating, is ending with the most remarkable four months of my life.  This year has brought profound loss, but also amazing, indescribable happiness.  I am ringing in 2019 sitting on the couch next to Jesse, the man I can say with 100% certainty is my soulmate and the love of my life, and his amazing 9 year old son.  There is nowhere else I would rather be ringing in the new year than right here with my two favorite guys.
I am starting this new year with my heart lovingly, kindly and so gently put back together by Jesse.  He knows my past, knows the pain that was consuming me and loves me because he doesn't see the damage done by those that came before him, he sees the strength it took me to survive them.  He lets me be 100% myself, my silly, smart, sassy, self.  He makes me smile with my whole being.  He makes me laugh more than anyone ever has.  He has a laugh that is contagious and making him laugh is a challenge I happily take…


The word "freedom" has many meanings.  I'm sure if you asked ten people what that word meant to them you'd get 10 different answers.  I always knew what "freedom" meant, but it took until earlier this past month for me to feel what it meant.
In an earlier posting I discussed that I was molested as a child at the hands of a cousin who lived with my family. Brian stole my childhood. He stole my innocence. He stole a huge chunk of my childhood memories.  He tried like hell to destroy my life.  A few times he almost succeeded. I wasn't safe in my own home and no one, me included, had any idea.  I never told my parents what he was doing to me because I didn't remember what he was doing to me.  The mind has a clever way of keeping you safe.  When something is too traumatic for you to deal with, the mind will lock it away until something triggers the lock open.  That trigger happened in high school.  My life began to unravel when I was in high school.   I…