Posts

Showing posts from 2018

Goodbye, 2018! Hello, 2019!

What a year 2018 has been! What started out as devastating, is ending with the most remarkable four months of my life.  This year has brought profound loss, but also amazing, indescribable happiness.  I am ringing in 2019 sitting on the couch next to Jesse, the man I can say with 100% certainty is my soulmate and the love of my life, and his amazing 9 year old son.  There is nowhere else I would rather be ringing in the new year than right here with my two favorite guys. I am starting this new year with my heart lovingly, kindly and so gently put back together by Jesse.  He knows my past, knows the pain that was consuming me and loves me because he doesn't see the damage done by those that came before him, he sees the strength it took me to survive them.  He lets me be 100% myself, my silly, smart, sassy, self.  He makes me smile with my whole being.  He makes me laugh more than anyone ever has.  He has a laugh that is contagious and making him laugh is a challenge I happily tak

Freedom

The word "freedom" has many meanings.  I'm sure if you asked ten people what that word meant to them you'd get 10 different answers.  I always knew what "freedom" meant, but it took until earlier this past month for me to feel what it meant. In an earlier posting I discussed that I was molested as a child at the hands of a cousin who lived with my family. Brian stole my childhood. He stole my innocence. He stole a huge chunk of my childhood memories.  He tried like hell to destroy my life.  A few times he almost succeeded. I wasn't safe in my own home and no one, me included, had any idea.  I never told my parents what he was doing to me because I didn't remember what he was doing to me.  The mind has a clever way of keeping you safe.  When something is too traumatic for you to deal with, the mind will lock it away until something triggers the lock open.  That trigger happened in high school.  My life began to unravel when I was in high school.  

Hello again! It's time to vent

I have been struggling lately, and by “lately” I mean since January 20, 2017.  It seems like there is something new, appalling, despicable and, well, deplorable, coming out of Washington, D.C. every single day since this orange nightmare has washed over the United States.  I have watched as the country I love gets systematically dismantled and the Congressional leaders do nothing to maintain the checks and balances put into place by her Founders.  They have given unchecked power to a man who has the moral and intellectual capacity of a slug (which is, I realize, extremely offensive to slugs the world over). He is a corrupt con man who is financially benefiting from his position of power.  It would all be funny if only it wasn’t so tragic.  I haven’t written much since this jackass took office because, in all honesty, I haven’t had words for it all. Each time I sit down to write, my brain goes into overdrive, smoke starts coming out of my ears, my anxiety level goes through the roo

February 4, 2018

Since 2010 the days between February 3rd and February 8th are very difficult. February 3rd is my birthday, and the last true conversation I had with my dad before he died on February 8th.  That last conversation was the most amazing gift I could ever be given, but losing my dad was truly one of the hardest blows I've ever been dealt. Needless to say, my birthday is a tremendously bittersweet day.  The 5 days after I just try to get through as best I can and as painlessly as possible. This year has been very different though.  This year has been different because our hometown (American) Football team, my dad's favorite team, the Philadelphia Eagles were playing in the Super Bowl on February 4th. In a house full of women who are more interested in movies, music and musical theatre, the lone man who wants to just sit on a Sunday and watch his favorite team play, what to us was the longest game ever (except golf, of course), generally gets relegated to the not so great TV in his