Showing posts from October, 2013

Movie in My Mind

I have spent a lot of time lately thinking about what could have been, should have been and has been in my life.  Like most people, I had a grand plan of what my life would be.  I knew that I wanted my life to mean something, I wanted to use my life to help other people.  In my plan that was going to be through the study of law or maybe psychology.  I was going to get married, have children and use my life to help other people. This was my plan for my life.  This was the plan I had since I was a child.  Unfortunately, as we all know, life barely ever goes according to plan. Sometimes the universe takes your plan and decides it is worthy of complete and total destruction.  It has become apparent to me that my plan was deemed worthy of destruction.
I know I am trying to stay positive, but I promised to be honest and share everything, even the bad days. These last few days have made it very hard to see the glass as being half full.  My heart and soul are aching and I am struggling with …

October 2001

I had a wonderful, yet exhausting session with Bonita on Thursday night.  Another key was turned and another lock was opened. I realized that the pain and trauma from the rape was not the only thing I buried for survival’s sake.  Every traumatic thing, of which there have been many, that has happened was buried and locked away.  I visualize it like a group of nesting boxes, each one holding a secret and, in my case, each one with its own lock and key.    During this session, we opened the box that encapsulated October 2001.  This month would come to be known as the worst month of my life.   This was the month of my grandmother’s death and the beginning of my mom’s coma.  After Gram died, everyone got to go home and grieve her loss…everyone except my dad, my sister and me.  We would be at the hospital sitting vigil at my mom’s bedside praying she would open her eyes.  We did this every day for 6 weeks.  I didn't allow myself to fully grieve Gram’s loss partly because I knew I wou…