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Showing posts from February, 2013

So It Begins

So the journey begins… Since I had my first session, I actually feel a bit better.I am hopeful for the first time in a long time that I am on the right path to healing from everything.I am hopeful that I too can get a silver lining to the seemingly perpetual storm clouds that have been plaguing me for far too long.For the first time in a long time I have realized that I deserve to have a silver lining.I deserve to have the happiness that everyone finds.The work to get there will be tough, but I am hopeful. When I look back at my life, I see someone who used to look at the world and see all of the possibilities that were there.I never used to think about the bad stuff that could happen.I never used to think that those things…rape and abuse…would happen to me.I was used to being the support system for everyone.I was used to being the strong one, the one everyone came to with their problems.I was the fixer, the advice giver, the listener.Then I became the one who fell apart while trying …

A Crossroad in My Life

There are times when you have to take a true and realistic assessment of yourself on physical, mental, emotional and energetic levels and take the necessary steps to repair what is damaged.It becomes a crossroads in your life.Do I continue down the same path I am on even though I am exhausted, depleted and completely wiped out in every possible way? Do I stop right where I am, understanding that I can only go so much further when I am completely empty, and place the shell of myself at the feet of someone older and wiser with the hope that by exposing my life, complete with my weaknesses and vulnerability, I will be healed? I have come to understand over the last few weeks, and especially last night, that option # 2 is the only choice I can make right now.I am depleted.I am empty.I am exhausted.I know that I have reached a crossroad in my life and I cannot continue with the way things are.I have to make changes in order to survive and find my balance again. I thought that my journey b…

A Tribute

For the last few weeks I have been trying to come up with a way to honor what today is. For those of you who don’t know me more than from what I have written so far, today, February 8, 2013, is the 3 year anniversary of my dad’s death.He lost his brave battle with Lewy Body Disease on February, 8th 2010.There is not a day that goes by that I am not missing him terribly.
Honestly, I can’t believe it has been 3 years.I remember it all like it was yesterday.Every moment of those last days is replayed in my head every year.I am grateful for those moments though.I am grateful that I got to be there with him for his last days.I am grateful that the last words that he heard were “I love you.”I am grateful that the last words he was able to say to us were “I love you.”I am grateful that I was there to help his hospice nurse bathe and dress him for the last time.I was holding him when his breathing changed, and I was able to care for him in that final hour the way he had cared for me since I …

Another year has come and gone...

As I begin this post it is 11:41 p.m. on Saturday, February 2, 2013.  In 8 hours and 15 minutes, at 7:56 a.m. on February 3rd, my phone will ring.  My mom will be on the other end calling to say happy birthday at the exact moment I was born.  She has done this every year for as long as I can remember.  It is the only time I don't mind being woken up early.  It is something I look forward to each year. It is our little tradition.
My mom and I have always had a very close relationship.  She is the one person I can talk to about anything and everything.  Even if there is nothing she can do to completely fix a problem, knowing that I can talk it out with her or even just sit in silence crying while she hugs me, or holds my hand, is enough to make it better. My mom is my hero.  She is the strongest person I know, something which she attributes to my grandmother.  My mom has always told me that the Mitchell women are built strong and we can survive anything.  She is right.  My grandmot…