There are times when you have to take a true and realistic assessment of yourself on physical, mental, emotional and energetic levels and take the necessary steps to repair what is damaged. It becomes a crossroads in your life. Do I continue down the same path I am on even though I am exhausted, depleted and completely wiped out in every possible way? Do I stop right where I am, understanding that I can only go so much further when I am completely empty, and place the shell of myself at the feet of someone older and wiser with the hope that by exposing my life, complete with my weaknesses and vulnerability, I will be healed?
I have come to understand over the last few weeks, and especially last night, that option # 2 is the only choice I can make right now. I am depleted. I am empty. I am exhausted. I know that I have reached a crossroad in my life and I cannot continue with the way things are. I have to make changes in order to survive and find my balance again.
I thought that my journey began the day I put up the first posting, disclosing to everyone that I was raped. Maybe that still holds true. Today, however, I feel like I am at the point in which the work begins and the long road to truly healing from my past, even my very recent past, starts.
In starting this, I have made an important decision. I am going to share this journey with all of you, whoever you are, that read this blog. I will share the good, the bad, the ugly and the bright sunny moments with you. While it is an extremely personal journey, with aspects that some of my own family don’t even know about yet, it is one that I have already started on in a public way, so I feel I should continue it in the same way. While I have always kept things like this close to the vest, I am hoping that my story and my journey will help other people who are going through their own struggles and are on their own path to healing. I will be approaching this process from a few different avenues of treatment: traditional talk therapy, Reiki therapy, meditation and restorative energy work. I am grateful for the recommendation of a therapist who is and has good relationships with all of these practitioners. While I know this approach may not be everyone’s cup of tea, it is something that I feel I need to do to heal on every level that has been broken and to bring myself back into balance and to peace.
I know each day will present challenges. I know there will be good days, bad days, and probably a few “why the hell did I even bother getting out of bed” days thrown in to keep me on my toes, but I know that this is what I need to do for my health and well-being. I just may need some reminders of that from time to time. I am encouraging anyone reading this to send me your comments, tell your stories, and what worked for you and what didn’t, as I go along documenting this journey. We are a global community of survivors, citizens, friends, sisters and brothers. It is my greatest hope that we can all help each other, learn from one another, and heal together.