Brave was not even on my radar. At the time, the only thing I was thinking of was how to make the pain go away and end the torture that each day had become. The bravery of that night came from Alison, the amazing friend who stood up and refused to take no for an answer when I told her I didn't want to watch a movie. She knew something was wrong and she didn't leave my side. I owe my life to her and I am forever grateful.
When I look back at that day, I see someone who was at rock bottom in so many ways. I was worn down physically, completely destroyed emotionally, and tortured mentally. I couldn't keep living like that. The idea of waking up the next morning and going through another day was terrifying. I needed help and I am grateful that I had people around me who knew how to help me, and still do. I look back on that day and I see how very far I have come, and how far I still have to go on my journey. The bravery I see from that time in my life does not come from choosing to continue my life when I wanted to die. That choice was made for me that night by a truly amazing friend who cared more about my than I did about myself. The bravery I see in myself comes from every single day after the point of rock bottom. I say that because even on my worst days, I make the conscious decisions to keep waking up in the morning, to keep getting out of bed, and to keep fighting to get my life back. Hour by hour, day by day, I fight and I win. I will do this every single day because I will never allow myself to get to that point again. I will never give up again. I will always fight, every day if I have to, because I deserve better than what my abuser and rapist have done to me and my life. I will continue to fight because I am stronger than what they did to me. They tried to destroy me with their words and actions, but they drastically underestimated my strength. I will never let them win. I will fight and I will win. After all, I have already survived.