Journey of a Thousand Miles...

I promised that I would talk about it all here…the good days, the bad days, the days when I am inspired and positive, and the days that I just want to curl up in bed and be left the fuck alone.  Today is definitely one of the “I want to curl up in bed and be left the fuck alone” days.   I had another great session with Bonita last night.  She has warned me that as we begin to get into the core work it may get worse before it gets better.  She added that I may start to have weird or intense dreams because we are stirring up my subconscious, and it will not be happy with me. I am happy she reminded me of that or else waking up this morning with my head a bit of a jumble would have been a bit more startling. I have been sitting here, staring at a blank page for almost an hour.  I want to say something helpful, something hopeful, but right now nothing will come out of my head that is even close to those two things.   Today was painful.  Today was exhausting on every single level

Imagine a piece of fabric that is all at once extremely delicate, yet able to withstand the most intense pressure.   Fabric that is both light as air, yet as sturdy and protective as a suit of armor.   Something that is magnificent to gaze upon, yet weathered and worn from experience – complete with tears, holes and frayed edges.   How would you begin to repair it? This is the image I have in my head each time I step foot in Bonita’s office for a session, except the fabric in question is me. We are in the process of identifying all of the areas in need of repair.   Slowly moving on to a plan of delicately mending the damage – choosing the right thread and the perfect stitch so it can never come undone or be destroyed again.   With every session, every “ah-ha moment,” I feel the needle pierce my spirit with a soothing pain that only healing can bring; its thread binding together the torn pieces with precision and strength. With each stitch I am starting to feel stronger, more alive

Over my last two sessions, my amazing counselor, Bonita, and I discussed healing and what that means, looks like and feels like.  She said something a few weeks ago that stuck with me because it was the first, to borrow a phrase from Oprah, “Ah-Ha moment” I have ever had in counseling.  When I feel stuck, scared and powerless in this journey, Bonita told me to remember that “the intention of healing is powerful. “  As a rape survivor “powerful” is not something I am accustomed to feeling, no matter the circumstance or intention.  With that being said though, I am beginning to understand what Bonita means more and more each day.  When you cross over from identifying as a victim to identifying as a survivor it is a truly profound moment.  It is the moment in which you consciously decide that your healing must begin because living under the label of “victim” is no longer sustainable. It is the moment when you get the first glimpse of what life will be like when you fully reclaim yo

Please join me on May 4, 2013 in taking a stand against gender violence!  Walk a Mile in Her Shoes is  benefiting  Laurel House Shelter of Norristown. I am honored to have been asked to speak at this extraordinary event. Come out to walk, meet Preston Elliott from the Preston & Steve show on WMMR, and have fun in the process of supporting a worthy cause! Walk a Mile in Her Shoes® The International Men’s March to Stop Rape, Sexual Assault & Gender Violence Walk a Mile in Her Shoes® is the international men's march which encourages men to walk one mile in women's high-heeled shoes to protest rape, sexual assault & gender violence. Our W alk a Mile in Her Shoes® event will be held May 4, 2013 at Farm Park in Norristown benefitting Laurel House Shelter of Norristown.  Laurel House has been providing a safe and secure refuge for victims of abuse and their children for the last 33 years. By focusing on the positive aspect of a community coming together aro